Before “Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One” became the famed song title and chorus refrain crooned by Morrissey for The Smiths, this was the name of a popular 1940s comedy radio series. (This irony was surely not lost on Morrissey.)

The radio show Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One was the creation of actor-humorist Calvin “Cal” Tinney (1908–1993) who in 1948 brought the concept to prime-time television.

In this 1946 cartoon illustrated booklet, Don’t Quarrel–Dunk! Tinney reveals the meter and sentiment of his jokes, the knee-slappers of his trade.

None of this might seem terribly odd to the 21st Century citizen until the occurrence of a stomach-tingling realization.

Being laid out upon the very pages of this 1946 booklet, there seemed to be a blueprint strategy to commodify, and profit from thereof, the taking of the lowly donut and dunking it into a random beverage as a culinary experience of indeterminate pleasure.

Tinney’s booklet was the makings of advertising fluff, lighter than a single Munchkin, but more satisfying. And these hyperbolic statements are almost worth ignoring save that by the end of 2011:

“…there were 10,083 Dunkin Donuts stores worldwide, including 7,015 franchised restaurants in 36 United States and 3,068 international shops in 32 countries.” – Company Snapshot – Dunkin Donuts

That’s a lot of dunking donuts. The first Dunkin Donut shop opened in 1950 in Quincy, Massachusetts. Popular lore indicates its founder grasped the popular love affair between coffee and donuts within American factories and at construction sites. He decided a marriage needed to be arranged, and quickly.

But here it is, in 1946, Don’t Quarrel–Dunk! Two years previous, in 1944, during wartime, the Newark, New Jersey Doughnut Corporation of America had issued (pseudonymously?) “You Said a Mouthful,” a booklet whom’s narrative, loosely interpreted, seemed to suggest that patriotic doughboys should patriotically dunk their patriotic donuts into their patriotic coffee.

Don’t Quarrel–Dunk! takes it several flying steps further. Are you striking on the streets and cops hassling you? Labor dispute? Dunk! Fighting with your all-female co-workers in the Nylon factory? Dunk! Your husband just came home and is screaming at you because you burned his turkey in the oven and made you cry? Dunk!

How about giving your favorite American worker a donut sandwich? Slice a donut into two halves. Slather peanut butter and steamed raisins and nutmeats onto each half and make your donut sandwich. Want to make an Easter egg basket for your children out of donuts? (Of course you do!) Slather icing on your donut (to make a nest) and place colored candy eggs in the center.

While you’re eating your donut sandwiches, play some donut games. Instructions for all: “Pin the Dun-kee.” Play the “Donut String Kiss Stunt.” Run a “Donut Balancing Race” with your factory co-workers and friends.

On the inside front cover, “The National Dunking Association” claimed to have among its illustrious the following members: Bing Crosby, Ozzie Nelson, Frank Sinatra and Jimmy Durante.

And consider this shameless promotional bravado for dunking donuts:

“Donuts occupy a unique, ‘special’ place in the affections of all America, old and young; rich and poor. There’s something about the donut…Down the years the donut has remained the traditional symbol of good fellowship, friendliness and good humor. Millions have enjoyed the happy companionship of getting together over donuts and coffee, and dunking.”

This is a tour-de-force and a frightening one at that. The fact that the rear wrap is overprinted with a blasé text-only ad for “Mammy’s Waffle & Donut Shop” on the Atlantic City, New Jersey boardwalk doesn’t reduce the fear factor.